SEPTEMBER 18 — Matches struck in the dark

Update needed, as Caitlin would say. Three years ago today, on the 9-month anniversary of her lung transplant, during a walk around Walden Pond, I decided to start writing what I called “the Caitlin book.” I wasn’t even sure what kind of book it would be, or if I could manage to write it, but […]

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30 JUNE––Arc of a Life, a heart intact

I thought that losing Caitlin taught me all there was to know about love and loss and “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” but with my mother newly departed from this earth, I’m reminded that life is constantly teaching, and my faulty human self always has more to learn. The practical side […]

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2020 — Big World

On New Year’s Day 10 years ago, I woke up to a text from Caitlin. She was still living independently and rarely talked about long-term survival, but transplant was looming. Transplant was on her mind, and it showed in that confession of uncertainty tucked inside the bigger message of optimism and love. She did see […]

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JANUARY 20–‘In the Dark May You See’

January 20. Caitlin’s been gone a month, and many of us are sharing a national day of mourning. My friend, the wonderful writer Jennie Fields, just shared two new poems written by her friend Kory Wells. These poems really speak to me, and I hope they will speak to you as well. “In the dark […]

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APRIL 24, 2014 ☘

Caitlin has been listed for lung transplant for 2 years, as of today. (       n       ) n stands for everything I don’t have the energy to write. In fact, I wasn’t going to post anything today—-there is nothing new to say, but—-I can’t let the day pass without marking the date. So! […]

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FEBRUARY 18–Walnut Brains

I have been trying to write a post since the holidays, but there’s not much to say, except, it’s getting hard!! We’re two years into this, which seems impossible. Two years ago, when it was clear that Caitlin was finally going to need a lung transplant, I thought to myself: Okay! Let’s get this over with so our lives […]

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