Pass-Through

The Pass-Through Dolmen for Caitlin

By Nick O’Hara, Caitlin’s dad

Our heads were a muddle, our hearts broken, as we tried to figure out how to accomplish Caitlin’s wishes to not be buried or cremated. On a trip to Paris, she’d told her mother that she wanted a mausoleum.

We were so fortunate to be introduced to Edgell Grove Cemetery, where the Trustees and staff were kind and trusting as we struggled for years trying to get approvals and come up with a design. Nothing felt right. I knew Caitlin had been drawn to the statement a mausoleum made. But a mausoleum is a sealed structure with a big bronze door. Close it once and forever.

It was during a trip to Ireland that the design finally came to be. I was sitting on a large group of boulders, feeling lost and broken. I felt Caitlin, as I so often do, telling me, “It’s okay, Dad. I’m just here. Take care of Mom, take care of yourself. I’m okay.” I reached out my hand and could feel her at the ends of my fingertips.

That was the day I understood that she’s just in another place.

I felt I was being directed by her, guided. She encouraged me to start building sculptures. Very quickly I started building what I call Pass-Throughs, which signify our passage from this life to the next.

I started sketching them, many of them, lots of them. It did ease the pain, each one declaring, “I’m right here.”

When I chose the spot for Caitlin’s dolmen and began clearing the weeds and brush, cat-o’-nine-tails suddenly sprang up. Her nickname was Kitten, and this blog about her life is called 9LivesNotes.com.

After I planted rows of cedars, I researched the meaning of cedar trees and found that a cedar is called the tree of life.

At the entrance to The Pass-Through Dolmen for Caitlin, I planted a dawn redwood because Caitlin loved the 65-foot dawn redwood at Boston Children’s Hospital and spent the last two years of her life trying to save it and the healing garden it was part of.

The first Pass-Through I built I named The Together Pass-Through. It stands on a 130-acre property on the Cape — a gift to a client whose trust and steady faith in me kept me going during the time Caitlin was waiting for lungs. A broken piece of granite pierced by a Pass-Through, it reminds me that Maryanne and I must stay together, even as we carry the weight of her earthly loss, and move through this life side by side.

Dolmens can be found all over the world. South Korea has the most by far. Ireland has many.

At Edgell Grove Cemetery, the The Pass-Through Dolmen for Caitlin is approached off the gravel road, through large boulders, smaller boulders, smaller stones, and even tiny pebbles. The pebbles were a late addition…my thoughts being that we start out like specks in the womb, protected by our parents (large boulders), our siblings (smaller boulders). We start our journey on level ground, but we encounter the steps of our own journey. These steps, like life, are not straightforward. It is an up and down journey across the bridge.

Protecting Caitlin’s earthly body was foremost on my mind. The sarcophagus is one hollowed piece of granite that is completely watertight. The columns and capstone offer protection. The bridge is oriented east–west because she loved sunsets. The dolmen is oriented 330° NNW.

She passed at 33.