July 29 – 2 months overdue: Paris, Cats, Synchronicities

On the book shelf designated ‘special’ in our living room, I display a Mother’s Day card, one of the last I received from Caitlin. It is from the first year of her transplant wait, when we assumed that life would be back to normal within a year.

In the long note inside, she compared herself to the fat robin on the card’s cover. “This robin is me, sitting squished in its nest, and thank you mummy for helping me make this wait 110% easier. I love you so much, I can’t write it in a card. Next Mother’s Day – Paris. Just Paris for every holiday, how about that? Love, Kitten.”

I open and read it sometimes, when I can bear it.

In February, Caitlin’s cousin Sinéad, the Irish intuitive, decided to host a retreat in Malta. It would take place over my birthday weekend. Its theme would be abundance and I knew that it would be light-guided, with new-moon regenerative energy. Good for my mental health. Plus: Malta. An adventure. A random place I would not normally think to visit. Katie decided to come, too, from Spain. And Jess planned to, but then had to bow out last minute because she is just so busy preparing to open The Caitlin O’Hara Community Health Clinic in Kenya.

Just before departure, I realized that my double-leg flight to the island would have me arrive in the Paris airport on Mother’s Day. As I was packing, I let myself imagine the reality of Caitlin alive and going on the retreat, too. It would have been a much longer trip that -of course- would have included time in Paris. I imagined it so well that it hurt. I even took the card from the shelf and let myself read all the words. Then I left for the airport.

People ask me, all the time, “Do you still get signs?” I laugh, because yes I do get them. ALL THE TIME. Every day. Some signs:

* Our flight’s estimated arrival was 7:33 am and landed on time.

• As we taxied into CDG, I looked out and the first thing I saw was a sign with the letters CAT. 

* Our Delta flight parked right next to a Kenya Air plane.

* In Malta, I had arranged for a driver to pick me up. As he was leading the way in the parking lot, I saw a car with a license plate that was Caitlin’s birthday. I thought to myself, ‘I must take a photo of that and show Nick. ‘

And then the driver stopped. It was his car.

Sinéad had given me a head’s up that the energy on Malta was off the charts. And it was true. We were 12 women – most from Ireland – and it was a new experience for me to be part of such a group, exploring ways to balance one’s human yin and yang energies, to contemplate the shadows and the light that make up the psyche. We had overwhelming, positive experiences. Synchronicities that were so wild. One women mentioned a beloved nephew who died, aged 33 too, a few years back. She said that a little bridge in Ireland was dedicated to him. I asked, was the bridge possibly near the Sally Gap in Wicklow?

It was.

Nick and I crossed it on a wander last September, and stopped to pay our respects.

During our ceremonies, which were outdoors, a cat meowed rather incessantly, but was only seen and heard during the ceremonies.

In the city gardens next door, a FANCY FOWL & PIGEON show was on display. (iykyk)

I share all this to remind you of the comfort and magic of synchronicities and to acknowledge the archetype of the great mother. On my birthday, Katie found peonies for me. Caitlin had always gifted them to me on my birthday. “These are from me and Sinead and Jess. All your daughters.”

Grateful.